


Burning Memories

by campanellis



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Angst, But I changed the ending a bit from canon, But it’s only in like one sentence and not heavily expanded on, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Takes place during Moonlight Desires, Warning for vague suicidal thoughts, When Spinner and Jay sneak into the school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:03:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29712756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/campanellis/pseuds/campanellis
Summary: Spinner’s pov when him and Jay sneak into Degrassi. Set during ‘Moonlight Desires.’
Relationships: Gavin “Spinner” Mason & Jay Hogart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Burning Memories

The words  **“BEST FRIENDS FOREVER”** seemed to taunt Spinner, his shaking hands clenching the yearbook as tightly as possible as Jay rambled on about something that Spinner couldn’t currently make out. 

He wasn’t really listening to him anymore, anyways. His brain felt foggy as he flipped through page after page, each one seeming to have a picture of him and his old friends. A few weeks ago, he would’ve been smiling as he made his way through the book. 

But now, he felt seconds from sobbing. 

There was him and Paige in one photo, lovingly embracing each other, clearly from back when they had been together. 

He turned the page again and found him and Hazel in another. They were casually smiling at the camera, both blissfully unaware of the fact that things wouldn’t be so carefree for very long.

Another flip of the page. 

And, just like a slap in the face, his eyes found him and Jimmy. There were multiple pictures of them, actually. All from different days. Spinner found that his own happy face staring back at him felt foreign to him. 

It was like looking at a different person. A person free from guilt, loneliness, pain. He would’ve given practically  _ anything  _ to go back to when these pictures were taken, to take back every mistake that he had made the last few months. 

He felt his heart clench up in his chest the longer that he stared at the pages. It felt like salt being poured into an open wound, and he didn’t want to look at it any longer. It was too painful. 

He threw the yearbook as hard and as far away from him as possible. He didn’t want it near him, mocking him with memories of before he had started to feel so hopeless and alone.

In fact, he didn’t want  _ any  _ of them near him. He wanted them all gone. 

He grabbed the closest box of yearbooks, standing up and getting ready to take them into another room.

“You alright there, Spinster?” Jay asked, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. 

“Follow me and grab some more.” He said to Jay, ignoring the questioning expression on the other boy's face. 

Jay finally just shrugged, grabbing a few boxes and following him to the front of the school. Spinner set the boxes down, an idea popping into his head. 

“You bring the rest in here. I'll be back.” 

He hurried off before Jay could stop him, making his way as quickly as he could to one of the empty science labs. He knew exactly what he needed to find, something that could get rid of  _ all  _ of those pointless happy memories of him and his ‘best friends forever.’ 

Shuffling through the cabinets, he found exactly what he was looking for. Lighter fluid. He grabbed it in his hands and smirked, feeling more in control than he has ever since Rick brought the gun to school. 

He was going to burn the books, burn up all the stupid, cheerful pictures of him and his stupid friends, burn it up until it couldn’t mock or hurt him anymore. 

When he made his way back to Jay, he found the other boy sitting and swinging his legs casually, completely unaware of his plan.

“Where’d you disappear to?” 

“Science lab.” Spinner answered simply. “I got fluid, of the  _ lighter  _ kind.” He continued on with a grin, expecting Jay Hogart of all people to go along with his brilliant plan. Why wouldn’t he? It  _ was _ Jay, after all.

He started to pour the fluid onto the books, covering them completely. He thought Jay would join in with him, maybe even argue on who got to do the honors. 

Instead, Jay seemed to hesitate, throwing Spinner completely off guard.

“Seriously, it’s bonfire night?” 

Spinner ignored his comment, if he didn’t want to take part in this, that was completely fine with him. He didn’t have to, but that wasn’t going to stop  _ him _ . He  _ had  _ to do this.

Spinner flicked open the lighter, smiling to himself a bit as he saw the flame light up. Jay’s eyes went wide, his mouth making an ‘o’ in clear shock at what he was planning on doing.

Jay smacked his arm away, making the flame die out before he could set the yearbooks aflame. 

“Okay, I know math wasn’t your  _ strongest _ subject, but yearbooks plus fire equals the whole  _ school  _ up in flames. Oh yeah, and  _ us _ in  _ jail.”  _ Jay pointed out, as if Spinner wasn’t already aware of this.

But why should he care? His life was practically ruined already. He had no one left, he couldn’t even come back to school anymore. It couldn’t  _ get  _ much worse than it already was. 

Even dying must be better than this. In fact, sometimes he had wished that it had been him that Rick had shot.

Spinner said none of this, settling on just silently sparking another flame, staring at Jay intently to show him that he was serious. He was going to do this. 

“Put the toy away, fliphead.” Jay said firmly, his tone a bit more serious than it had been before.

“ _ You’re _ stopping me?” Spinner finally spat out. It seemed hypocritical, Jay trying to get in the way. Jay never seemed to stop himself from a reckless decision before, it’s what got Jimmy shot in the first place.

Jay took it one step further, flat out smacking the lighter out of Spinner’s hand, the metal making a clattering sound as it hit the floor.

“Shocking, but true.” 

This was enough to make Spinner snap, causing him to shove the other boy roughly. He had  _ no  _ right to be stopping him. 

“You’re a freak in the  _ same  _ way that I am!” Spinner yelled, the words echoing in the emptiness of the school. Jay looked shocked for a moment, clearly not expecting the physical attack.

“Yeah, well at least  _ I’m  _ not torching the school!” He finally yelled back, stomping after Spinner as he moved to go pick up the lighter. Spinner shoved him away again, starting to wish that he had never brought Jay along to begin with. 

If he hadn’t, then he could’ve been  _ done  _ by now! Those stupid, smiling faces could’ve been melted into tar, the pictures gone  _ just _ like his happiness seemed to be.

Jay fought back, grabbing and restraining him, clearly still deadset in stopping the plan that Spinner was still trying to accomplish. 

“Do you want your former friends to suffer, huh?  _ Do _ you?” He yelled, making Spinner’s thoughts stop for a moment. 

That wasn’t what he wanted, he just wanted them to care. He wanted them to stop looking at him like  _ he _ had been the one that had brought the gun to school, like  _ he  _ had aimed it at Jimmy and shot him.

He just wanted them to stop hating him.

“I want them  _ back!” _ Spinner finally screamed, giving one particularly rough shove and finally sending Jay stumbling back.

Jay stared at him for a moment, a look of what seemed to be genuine concern flashing across his face. 

His voice was gentler this time.

“Listen,” Jay started, “as your former friends substitute, I am  _ telling  _ you, this is  _ not  _ the way. It’s not.” 

Spinner finally took a moment to take in Jay’s words. He knew that this  _ wouldn’t  _ get them back, in fact, it would probably make them hate him more. It had just felt so impossible that they'd ever even want him around again. 

“... I just want them back.” Spinner repeated again, quieter this time. His voice cracked a bit as he finally tossed the lighter away, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

Jay sighed, patting his shoulder and looking a bit unsure of what to say. Spinner leaned in a bit to the touch, choking down a sob. It had been a long time since anyone outside of his family had showed him any sort of affection, even just a touch to the shoulder made him near ready to weep. 

“...It’s gonna be okay, man.” 

Spinner wasn’t sure of that. He wasn’t sure of  _ anything  _ anymore. Every day felt like an uphill battle, or like he was fighting a war that he already  _ knew  _ he was going to lose.

But he didn’t say this. Instead, he leaned in a bit more, pressing his face into the crook of Jay’s neck and letting out a few sobs. 

Spinner had to admit that it was a bit strange, they had never even  _ hugged  _ before, but Spinner desperately needed the comfort and Jay was the only one that was there.

It seemed like it’d probably be that way for a while. He was the only friend that he had now. 

Jay seemed aware of this. Instead of shoving him off or protesting the display of affection, he decided on awkwardly patting the other boy on the back, like he wasn’t sure what he was doing. Maybe Jay had gone even longer without affection than Spinner had. 

They finally separated after a few seconds, an awkward silence filling the room until Jay finally spoke. 

“C’mon man, we’ve gotta clean this up.” He whispered, looking around the room and nudging Spinner a bit. 

Spinner did not feel up to doing much of anything, but if he was going to even  _ attempt  _ to get his old friends back, he supposed that being caught breaking and entering wouldn’t help his case. 

Jay had been right about that. 

They grabbed the boxes, returning them back to their original locations and quietly making their way back out of the school. 

They were already about half way down the block when Spinner had realized that they had left the yearbooks still soaked in lighter fluid. 

He let out a laugh, which had turned nearly hysterical when Jay turned to look at him with a mixture of amusement and concern. 

Well, Spinner figured it really didn’t matter that much. Tonight could’ve gone a whole lot worse. 


End file.
